We've all been there. The endless cycle of "don't do that," "stop running," or "why is your room a disaster?!" It's easy to fall into the trap of only noticing when our children (or even our partners!) are doing something we don't want them to do. But what if we shifted our focus? What if we actively sought out moments when they're doing things right?
This simple yet incredibly powerful concept is called "Catching People Doing Things Right," and while it's gained fame in the world of business and leadership, its origins and most powerful application are right in your home.
The History of a Positive Principle
While the idea of positive reinforcement is ancient, the phrase "Catching People Doing Things Right" was popularized by management expert Dr. Ken Blanchard in his iconic 1982 book, The One Minute Manager (co-authored with Spencer Johnson).
Blanchard observed that in the 1960s, the typical manager’s job was to catch employees doing things wrong—reprimanding them, demanding improvement, and then disappearing until the next mistake. This was clearly the opposite of a motivational environment.
Blanchard flipped this script. He championed the idea that leaders (and parents!) should actively seek out progress and positive behavior, offering immediate, specific praise to reinforce it. He credits his own parents for leading with encouragement, a philosophy he learned from a young age: you don't have to be perfect to earn a little praise.
The power of this principle lies in its reversal of the common, yet ineffective, habit of focusing only on what's broken.
Why This Historical Principle is a Parent's Superpower:
1. Builds Confidence and Self-Esteem
Think about it: how do you feel when your boss praises your hard work? You stand a little taller, right? The same goes for our kids. When we acknowledge their positive actions, we reinforce their belief in themselves. They learn that their efforts are noticed and valued, which fuels their desire to keep trying and growing.
2. Encourages Positive Behavior
What gets attention, gets repeated. If the only time your child gets a reaction from you is when they're misbehaving, they might subconsciously seek out negative attention. By highlighting positive behaviors, you're essentially saying, "Yes! More of this, please!" This makes them more likely to repeat those desired actions in the future.
3. Strengthens Your Relationship
Genuine praise and appreciation create a warmer, more loving atmosphere. When you're constantly pointing out what's wrong, it can create a wedge. But when you're noticing and celebrating their successes, big or small, you're building a stronger bond of trust and mutual respect. Your child feels seen and understood.
4. Shifts Your Own Perspective
Let's be honest, parenting can be tough. It's easy to get bogged down in the challenges. Actively looking for the good forces you to see your child in a more positive light. This shift in perspective can reduce your own stress and make parenting feel more joyful and less like a battle.
5. Teaches Gratitude and Optimism
When you model catching others doing things right, you're teaching your children a valuable life skill. They learn to appreciate the positive aspects of people and situations, fostering a sense of gratitude and optimism that will serve them well throughout their lives.
How to Become a "Catching People Doing Things Right" Master:
Be Specific: Instead of a generic "Good job," try "I really appreciate how you helped your sister clean up her toys without being asked." Specificity shows you're paying attention and helps them understand exactly what they did well.
Be Sincere: Kids can spot insincere praise a mile away. Make sure your appreciation is genuine.
Be Immediate: The closer your praise is to the positive action, the stronger the connection.
Look for the Small Stuff: It doesn't have to be a monumental achievement. Did they put their plate in the sink? Hold the door for someone? Share a toy? Those little moments are opportunities!
Use Descriptive Language: Instead of just "nice," try words like "thoughtful," "helpful," "creative," "responsible," "patient."
Involve Others: Encourage other family members to join in. "Dad, did you see how neatly Lily put her books away?"
Don't Overdo It: While important, constant, effusive praise for every tiny thing can lose its impact. Find a healthy balance.
Imagine a home where genuine appreciation is a common currency. A place where children feel seen, valued, and encouraged to be their best selves. That's the power of "Catching People Doing Things Right." It's not about ignoring challenges, but about building on strengths. So, put on your detective hat, parents, and start looking for all the amazing things your kids are doing right! You might be surprised at what you find – and the incredible impact it has on your family.
Here's to celebrating the good!
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